How I Work
I love the study of psychology. Some people read novels in their spare time. I read books on psychology. As such, I can say this with conviction (and I don’t say it flippantly): Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy ("EFT") is arguably the best roadmap available to help you repair and renew your relationship. I am trained in EFT and I start from this perspective, calling from other areas of theory and practice as needed based on your needs. With that in mind, here is an overview of the path we will follow in therapy, giving you a lay of the land.
Stage 1 – In the initial phases of therapy, we’ll seek first to assess the dance you and your partner are in. We’ll deescalate conflict or increase engagement, for those who are withdrawn from each other. We’ll seek to help you gain access to the emotions at the heart of your dance, namely the hurt, sadness, and fear motivating your behavior. Finally, we’ll grow to understand that the dance itself is your enemy and your partner your ally.
Stage 2 – As part of stage 1, we’ll have greater insight into the primary emotions driving your dance. We’ll deepen this understanding, the understanding of your core needs and primary emotions, and we’ll work to help you express those effectively. We’ll likewise expand the options you have for responding to your partner, working in particularly to tame the Four Horsemen, e.g.,
From criticism and global judgment to statements of the problem and requests for solutions
From contempt to appreciation of the positive in our partner
From defensiveness to taking appropriate levels of responsibility
From withdrawal to engagement
Finally, if you are holding grudges or dealing with past relationship trauma, we’ll seek forgiveness and healing.
Stage 3 – At this point, we’ll consolidate the gains you have made, including your new ways of being with yourself and interacting with your partner, and work to get you to a point where you can stand on your own.
Don't live another minute in apathy or misery. It doesn't have to be this way. Call me or email me for a free consultation .
Gottman, J. M. (1999). The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work. Three Rivers Press: New York, New York.
Johnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations For A Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown and Company: New York, New York.